5.14.2009

growing.


If you asked me how old I am, I would catch myself saying 25. And while nearly saying 25, I would be nervously calculating just how close 25 is to 30...and then slowly remembering that I'm still only 22. Which is odd, because last year I thought I was 17.

Suddenly I feel the weight of every single life landmark I have left to reach: graduate as a total smarty-pants, marry a hunk I'm crazy about, craft a career I love, take at least one European jaunt, make a zillion beautiful babies, buy a fab-u-lous home and somewhere in the middle experience enough personal fulfillment to figure out just what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my days.

Because growing up I was a total goodie, I can distinctly remember the feeling of realizing that I'd forgotten to finish my homework. One second of all-consuming panic, followed by an intense cold sweat and mind-numbing nausea. That's what it feels like. Like I'd better start frantically scrawling down some friggin' answers, lest someone realize that I'm so, so unbelievably far behind. 

Am I normal? (Someone please say yes.) 

9 comments:

  1. VERY normal...I feel like I still have so much I want to do with my life too...where did the time go?

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  2. Yes, this is totally normal. Feeling the life checklist growing and growing when all you have checked off is (Move out of parents) and (Get a full-time job). I hear you. Thankfully, it's not a race and God wants these things to happen to you in a not-so-overwhelming way.

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  3. normal! i've married the hunk, had the kids, made several moves and enjoyed jobs that have fulfilled dreams and wanderlust and still feel that the days are slipping away.....growth is a good thing and isn't measured by easy, conventional yardsticks. lists are over rated (although its good to have goals) you're happy? you make things good for those around you? leave smiles in your wake? achievements come and go - replaced by the next thing on the list - but family, friends, character, integrity, sleeping contentedly through the night, at peace with yourself and the world...
    ps - my hunk and i have been married 30+ years and are currently looking at career/moving options for the next chapter.....

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  4. I hate to break your bubble - but that sense of urgency, time to get all your duckies in a row - it cmes and goes throughout the different seasons and episodes of your life -and there are no real wrong choices - just do what your heart tells you to do - and somethings are in cycles far too big for you to comprehend much less see sometimes - like a huge ground swell of a wave that is building and you haven't a clue that you are on it much less moving - but you are, rest assured

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  5. i've been saying i'm 26 since i was 24...and now i'm actually 27.

    strange but normal. that's the best kind!!

    i just re-read what i wrote and i sound like the crazy rambling lady on the train...ha!

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  6. I find myself being the same way. And I am 25. Yeah, I've done some things, but I still find myself asking what am I doing with my life? I've done too many things, and I wonder if I'm scared to settle, if I ever will. I'm glad you just posted this, oddly enough I was having the same thoughts. It's all good. I'm learning to really live one day at a time, being content and going with the flow with what God throws my way. Trying not to freak at the fact that I have no kids and everyone around me is making babies. It's so hard to separate ourselves from what we "should" be doing and what is actually happening in our lives. I'm babbling way too much and probably not making any sense!

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  8. Seriously, I posted the exact same thing on the exact same day, except I just turned 25 & it HURTS! It's normal & it's silly too! Keep your head up & don't be so hard on yourself! God has a plan & that's what I remind myself. It really doesn't matter what I planned at 15 years of age for my entire life. It matters that I'm sticking to God's plans for me.

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  9. I know you wanted this post to go away, but I wanted to comment on it! :)

    No big hurry. I know people say "live every day like it's your last" but the most important thing is to remember that the time and energy you have right now is so valuable. Do all your unfettered living right now and reevaluate in a year.

    I'm 40(ish) and I have so many great memories from my 20's and some days I wish I'd made MORE.

    And WRITE WRITE WRITE because you'll think you'll remember moments, but you don't always. There are stories my friends tell or pictures I find and I think, "I don't even remember being in the place or looking like that or whatever." Leave a trail of bread crumbs. :)

    You're doing just fine.

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