9.20.2009

cheery blooms.

farmersmarketedited.jpg picture by wakeworkrinserepeat

(Backstory: Gabe and I started dating three years ago. Gabe moved to Wisconsin from California to be with me, and has lived here for the past two years. Gabe and I broke up two months ago. We're still best buds. Gabe is now moving back to sunny CA in the beginning of November. I think that sufficiently sets the stage...action.)

Yesterday morning I went to the farmer's market--something Gabe and I did together nearly every week for the last three summers. He would buy baked goods from a cheery rosy-cheeked woman and I would peruse the perimeter in search of the perfect bouquet. We'd order Iced Thai Teas and giggle at the strange musical artist playing in the middle of the pavilion, throwing the crumpled cash we had left in the "tip" canister. It never got old.

But yesterday I was there. Alone. And the darn music began to play. It all came in a giant wave--just how very, very lonely I will be in just one month when Gabe is gone. How my family says that it feels strange now that he isn't around as much. How "candy" will no longer mysteriously appear on my refrigerator shopping list, that I'll be watching The Office by myself, and how the person who can always make me laugh, who keeps me honest and who knows exactly how loony I am and loves me regardless will permanently be two thousand miles away.

With raspberries and enormous bouquet in hand, I slid my sunglasses down, soggily headed back to my car and drove to Gabe's apartment...where I proceeded to fall apart. (I won't recount the event. I'm not an attractive sobber.)

Being the lovely gentleman that he is, Gabe wrapped me up in a giant bear hug, put on his shoes and took me back to the market, where he bought me the largest ice cream cone I've had in quite some time.

Rarely, rarely do I cry. Well, at least about my own life. I cry over movies, or about sadness in the lives of others. So, I still feel rattled by yesterday's massive tearshed. I'm at peace with being single and the end of our romantic relationship...I can't be upset about that. And I don't mean to throw myself a pity party--really and truly. But coming to terms with what all of this means for our friendship is leaving me a little watery and lost.

Are break-ups always this terrible? Maybe they're just terrible when they're with a wonderful person?

13 comments:

  1. How sweet that he took you back to face the market, and yes they're usually awful. Sigh and a hug.

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  2. a loss like this has to be hard and it's the seemingly small things that take us by surprise with the intensity of our reactions to them.
    another sigh and another hug......

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  3. {{{{hugs}}}}

    aw girl, break ups suck! I promise you though, they make you stronger and you do move on.

    Hope you are feeling better..

    LB

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  4. i so applaud you for being able to be friends still with gabe and for sharing your feelings so outright with him
    you know the corny old saying about setting someone free? if there is anything meant to be between you in the future again, it will happen
    or
    now there will be space for something new
    maybe just and extra special relationship with yourself for while

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  5. Oh Beth, it is just like a movie. And now my heart is breaking for you too. :( But believe it or not, God is good and He's got big plans for you lady...Whether or not Gabe is in the equation, just keep on keepin' on. I'm feeling so inarticulate right now.

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  6. it is always hard to break-up, and harder yet to lose a dear friend. I remember when my best friend moved away I only had to see a Target store we went to, or a path we ran on and I would dissolve. I think you have to allow yourself to mourn a little, a big chapter in your life has closed- but a new fresh one is starting and someday this will make sense- even if it is tough right now.

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  7. I would give you good break up advice or tell you of my experience, but really my advice would suck and I haven't been through much of that stuff. I just wanted to say that the way you wrote that made me get a little bit teary, like I do when I'm watching a sad bit in a film. Gosh I'm ridiculous. Anywho, nice writing! And cheer up, buttercup x x

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  8. Oh Bethany... I felt so sad for you as I read this post! Break-ups are always sad, but some are far more so than others. I think it was courageous of you to cry and let your feelings out, and to share them with Gabe, too. What a wonderful friend he is to you, and a love that will always mean so much, even after years have gone by. Your relationship has changed, but you are still in each other's lives, as I'm sure you will be even after he's moved away. Good thing you are so talented and have so many things to look forward to as you start your new path at university and begin a brand new set of adventures! Love is bound to be heading your way before you know it.

    It'll get better. You'll see. Hang in there!
    xo

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  9. I hate break-ups but God meant it to be so to make you stronger and wiser. I know you can make it dear. Someday you'll look back and glad you got over it. :)t

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  10. It's always the little things that get you. Breakups are never easy, especially when it wasn't on bad terms...

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  11. my heart aches for you. i'll be praying for you sweet girl.
    blessings,
    aimee

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  12. It's all so sad Bethany.. break ups like this are always really hard as you still love each other and it's just hard to understand it all but...time heals and it's great that you have college and your interiors course to get on with...all will be well :)

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