12.20.2009

cleaning house.

goodbyeclothes.jpg picture by wakeworkrinserepeat

(Just some of the clothing that is permanently leaving my life!)

Recently I marked a little goal: I've lost thirty pounds since last fall. Thirty isn't a jaw-dropping number, but to me it feels so significant. There is some more to be lost, but right now it feels amazing to be in a new, favorite pair jeans...just one size away from Single-Digit-Land. (Sometimes two...curse you, stores that run small.)

I imagine Single-Digit-Land is a magical place in which one feels no insecurities, eats bon bons nearly all day while looking fantastically sexy, and elicits uncontrollable whistles from the men around them. I realize this is neither realistic, nor the latter particularly desirable (have you seen the men in this town?) ...but I'm sure you're picking up what I'm putting down. Confidence is found in neither a size nor a number, however sometimes a number marks a small stop on one's journey to find confidence.


When I began sifting through the massive pile of "too big" cast-off clothing that has slowly grown for the last year, I was astonished at how very much I had. Suddenly it was so obvious that at my most weighty, I'd sought meaning, beauty and happiness in my wardrobe, spending $20 here or there in hopes that one silly item would somehow fulfill the "me" with whom I was terribly dissatisfied...thinking that a skirt, blouse or sweater could make me FEEL more attractive, intelligent or creative when deep inside I didn't much feel any of those things. And in honesty, I cannot say that I even liked half of what was lurking in that pile. It seems purchases of desperation rarely prove to be intelligent investments.

A small handful of the leftovers could have been managably tailored, or shrunk using the hot-hot-hot cycle in the washer, but the truth is that they represent something that I don't want cluttering my life and mind anymore: a period in time in which I was carrying not just extra physical weight but a significant amount of emotional weight and unhappiness with myself. And who wants that lurking in her closet every morning? Not this gal. So to the fated Goodwill stack these items went, while I made a mental note to adjust my budget to include a few more responsible clothing purchases each month. (That didn't take much convincing...)


So good riddance, old threads. I cannot wait to fill your space with new, increasingly smaller items which I now know will never fulfill or define me, but will certainly make life more flirtatious and fun. :)

13 comments:

  1. 30 pounds is huge -- WAY TO GO!!!

    It's amazing how much emotion is involved in clothes -- either in the purchasing or what time in your life they represent.

    Congrats again!

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  2. From the girl who's worn 5 different sizes in the last year, and taken all too many trips to Goodwill (and the mall) I commend you. :) Good riddance old duds, hello new Beth! What an accomplishment. Now you'll be at a loss for new year's resolutions!

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  3. Well done you - 30 pounds is brilliant. I know exactly how you feel; I was amazed by just how many clothes I had in a big size when I lost weight too. I am still going and I am afraid to say at a much slower rate than you but I feel I am slowly but surely getting there.
    Big well done and what a Christmas present to yourself!
    xx

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  4. wow!! good for you - on soooo many levels! any tips you'd like to pass along??

    i was glad to hear that you and naphtali hit it off - we had both figured the meet would be a success.

    mery christmas and sugarplum dreams.....

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  5. It is such a good feeling, trying on those smaller clothes in the shop, and discovering that they fit! Or that they don't fit... they're too big!!! I'm down 30 lbs from this time last year too. Am loving getting dressed up for the holidays in my new, slim clothes.
    Well done, you! Treat yourself. You deserve it!

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  6. i just love the way you expressed yourself here. and congrats on the accomplishment -- you look fab. :D

    (many thanks for your sweet comment on my blog awhile back -- it was so encouraging and thoughtful.)

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  7. wow good for you! And smart to get rid of these items! Merry Christmas!

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  8. Wow congrats! What a healthy feeling! How did you do it?

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  9. what a fun way to close out the year! And think of all the fun you will have now at the post-holiday clearence sales. I'm thinking anthro......

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  10. Bethany...that is fantastic! I am in that awful place where I have put on about 30lbs in just the last 4 months...I am trying to ignore it right now but it does get you down...I tend to inhale food when stressed!! I would love to hear how you have done it as I really want to get my weight down...and down for good in the new year. If you have time, please share! Have a wonderful Christmas and I hope 2010 will be great for you! Martina xx

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  11. oh..and by the way...I meant to say that you look fantastic! Bye!

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  12. congratulations, bethany! now, if i could just lose the rest of the post-baby weight...

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