(Just some of the clothing that is permanently leaving my life!)
Recently I marked a little goal: I've lost thirty pounds since last fall. Thirty isn't a jaw-dropping number, but to me it feels so significant. There is some more to be lost, but right now it feels amazing to be in a new, favorite pair jeans...just one size away from Single-Digit-Land. (Sometimes two...curse you, stores that run small.)
I imagine Single-Digit-Land is a magical place in which one feels no insecurities, eats bon bons nearly all day while looking fantastically sexy, and elicits uncontrollable whistles from the men around them. I realize this is neither realistic, nor the latter particularly desirable (have you seen the men in this town?) ...but I'm sure you're picking up what I'm putting down. Confidence is found in neither a size nor a number, however sometimes a number marks a small stop on one's journey to find confidence.
When I began sifting through the massive pile of "too big" cast-off clothing that has slowly grown for the last year, I was astonished at how very much I had. Suddenly it was so obvious that at my most weighty, I'd sought meaning, beauty and happiness in my wardrobe, spending $20 here or there in hopes that one silly item would somehow fulfill the "me" with whom I was terribly dissatisfied...thinking that a skirt, blouse or sweater could make me FEEL more attractive, intelligent or creative when deep inside I didn't much feel any of those things. And in honesty, I cannot say that I even liked half of what was lurking in that pile. It seems purchases of desperation rarely prove to be intelligent investments.
A small handful of the leftovers could have been managably tailored, or shrunk using the hot-hot-hot cycle in the washer, but the truth is that they represent something that I don't want cluttering my life and mind anymore: a period in time in which I was carrying not just extra physical weight but a significant amount of emotional weight and unhappiness with myself. And who wants that lurking in her closet every morning? Not this gal. So to the fated Goodwill stack these items went, while I made a mental note to adjust my budget to include a few more responsible clothing purchases each month. (That didn't take much convincing...)
So good riddance, old threads. I cannot wait to fill your space with new, increasingly smaller items which I now know will never fulfill or define me, but will certainly make life more flirtatious and fun. :)