Something amazing and unexpected happened today.
After being told by several friends that my pants were too loose (true friends tell you these things) and by another friend that there was a sale on jeans at the mall (even truer friends tell you those things), I decided to spend my lunch break shooting for single-digit land. Planning to be disappointed at the tightness of the epic single digit pants, I stripped down to my unmentionables...meanwhile giving myself a pep talk so as not to be disappointed when buttoning the size 8's proved to be laughably impossible. I slithered into the size 8, shielding my eyes from mirror in fear of what I might see. Although a smidge more snug than usual, surprisingly, they buttoned without much hesitation. Preparing for the worst I slowly turned around and laid eyes on the mirror. Amazingly enough: they fit!
(Thank you, 4" heels for your assistance. You are sooo painful, but so fantastic.)
A number is just a number, but this for me it marks a place I've not been in so very long. Truly, I don't remember my last "eights". My little weight loss journey doesn't stop here, because there is more to be lost and a healthier Bethany still waiting to be uncovered. However, moments like this are incredible reminders, affirmations that being healthy, and increasingly comfortable in my own skin, is better than any
cheeseburger (wait, I'm a vegetarian) cheesecake I've ever eaten. And although I still plan to have a very close relationship with cheesecake, (hellloooo, cheesecake, do drop by on the weekends, love) I will not allow my body to become 85% cheesecake.
But beyond numbers and sizes, today I felt so fully the commitment I need to make to no longer waste time being dissatisfied with aspects of my body that are unable to be changed. No longer will I curse my light skin, freckled, broad shoulders, short legs or full face. Those little unchangeable pieces of me were put there by Someone for some reason. He formed me, and saw fit for my cheeks to always be childishly chubby, and for my legs to fall short of glamazon length. And if that's the worst lot I've been dealt? I guess I'm doing okay. So, thanks God. :)
And so tonight I celebrate quietly in my toasty little upper one-bedroom apartment, snuggled up in my thinking spot with a frosty Diet Dr. Pepper and a raspberry yogurt. It's no cheesecake, but at least I won't regret it in the morning...