If there is one thing modern princesses have taught me, it is this: when your heart is aching, get thee to a nail salon.
And tonight I did. How Elle Woods of me.
Nail salons aren't places I normally choose to be, but today I chose anywhere but home. Today, for the first time in ages, work was enthralling. Each e-mail, phone call...every busying distraction received a thankful mental kiss from me. My heart dropped when the hands of the clock reached half past four...signaling my need to leave my desk, to tear my mind away from the distractions that had kept my heart on "off" all day. Thankfully, a few blessed errands awaited me this evening, and after completing those I tearfully sunk into the manicure chair. Tonight I find myself typing from a coffeehouse, avoiding my little apartment. I'd rather be anywhere else in the world than home. Anywhere.
In the weeks of the prince, home was an exciting place. It had a color, an excitement, a life. A place in which I excitedly listened for text messages, phone calls, primped, got ready to see him...rooms in which my heart beat wildly at the thought that I just might have found a man who knew my heart, and perhaps I knew his. Not just the excitement of a new person, but of finding someone with whom I shared a connection like I hadn't experienced previously...a kindred heart and mind that inspired me creatively and otherwise. Now home has returned to it's former disenchanted self: a lonely place in the big, scary world filled with nothing but me. My rambling heart. My bumbling thoughts. Thoughts and theories that used to be shared with him, but now just float about in my mind searching for a resting place. Home is a place I don't want to be for a little while...reminders of my time with the prince permeating each room...each whispering to me that I was naive. That I was silly. That I cared too quickly and too much. And I did.
But, in all of this, I've experienced something beautiful. I've come to believe that people can read heartache...even perfect strangers...and so sweetly reach out. Today was filled with thoughtful, unexpected gestures from those around me: a warm welcoming vanilla latte, a lunch date, a little unforeseen heart-to-heart and the sweetest compliments from a few strangers in the grocery store.
God bless those who are there to pick you up when you fall. To brush away your tears. To softly lift your silly, naive heart...without once telling you how foolish you were to carelessly and unabashedly open it to someone. (That's not to say that the prince was at all unfair, just simply unaware of how very much I cared. I suppose I was unfair in that I didn't express it well to him.) Heartfully I say...God bless those people. A girl like me would not make it a day without them.
Heartache or not, I am blessed. And, in time, I will be okay.
EDIT: Thank you so very much for your gentle encouragement on this and my prior post. Again...the kindness of (mostly) strangers continues to amaze me, and for you, your thoughtful words and sentiments I am so very grateful.