under the clouds.

Strangely enough, I noted in my mind that today was an exquisitely drippy day, the type of melancholy weather in which an author would set a character amidst a small loss.

Just minutes after this storybook-indulgent thought, my father lost his job.

Parental vulnerability is frightening. It's a role reversal--a moment in which you, the child, experience a sudden pulse of pure, selfless love so intense that you'd previously only believed a parent could feel for their child. An emotion you'll feel toward a child of your own someday. Instinctively, you're pulled- wanting to drop every swirling responsibility to run and assure endlessly that it will all work out.

But, the truth is, you're 23. And you're far too young to know if everything in life truly does work out.

Often, I pop the screen out of my bedroom window, crawl across the roof and lie there alone, cloud watching as far-fetched dreams fill my silly head. This is what I was doing a few days ago when I snapped this photo. But, today these distant, weighty clouds feel fitting with my heart. The sun will peek out and a beautiful sky will return tomorrow, I'm sure of it. But today...today my heart feels heavy and I simply cannot fake sunshine.


  1. At times like these we feel so powerless...but hang in there..it will all work out! For now I will keep both you and your Dad in my thoughts & prayers.((hug))

  2. My thoughts and hopes are with you and your family at this difficult time Bethany.
    Keep positive and I hope the grey cloud will soon blow over.

  3. I am keeping your family in my thoughts Beth.

    It's hard when the parent looses their job. My father was laid off two years ago last month from a job that he had worked for 35 years- in fact, he was the second employee ever. Nice way to send off a loyal worker, huh?

    I hope everything works out for him.



  4. I'm so sorry to hear this news - such an adjustment can be difficult for everyone. I hope this resolves quickly ....

  5. I'm sorry. That's terrible. I hope things work out.

    On another note, in my childhood house (now sold) right outside my bedroom there was a screened in porch. I would often crawl out there and lay down to think and relax :) I did that for a long time until I learned that snakes from the woods would crawl up the downspouts and sun on the roof too! eeeek ;) Hopefully that gives you a laugh.

  6. It's tough to feel powerless, especially when all you want is to make things better for those that mean the most to you. I've experienced those same feeling and during those times I found that a daily phone call made a huge difference (to me & them). Another thing that helped when my step-dad was dealing with the "post-op blues" was to send him a funny card every day. Both ways allowed me to connect to my parents & let them know that I was there for them. Sometimes is the little things that mean the most.

    Positive thoughts are headed your way...

  7. Oh dear. I wrote a big long comment last night but it seems to have disappeared into the blogosphere...

    It was to say I'm sorry about your dad's job situation. It's very stressful when you start worrying about your parents! I know. My dad worked the same job for 30 years and one day, the company announced they were closing up shop and moving to a bigger city. I think they gave everyone a month's notice and then laid them all off. It was devastating. And so scary for my poor dad, who'd be doing the job since he was 20 years old and didn't know anything different.

    He was stressed about it for a while and then he decided to make the most of a bad situation. "I'll take a holiday!" he said. "It'll be great. Like a practice retirement."

    His job ended and before he even had a chance to apply for anything new, another job landed in his lap. In typical fashion, he complained (tongue in cheek), "Aah great. So much for my vacation!" He's now been in this new job for 6 years.

    I'm sure everything will be okay for your dad, too. Thinking of you and your family Bethany.

  8. I hear ya Sis. I've never felt so guilty going into to work. It took all the strength I could muster to walk through the doors of a company that let him go.

    We'll get through it...God will guide through it all.

  9. I'm so sorry to hear about your father's job loss. My dad was laid off after working in the company for over 20 years...it was really devastating to watch him go from such a secure life to having no plans. But the good news is that after the initial shock my father took some amazing volunteer opportunities and travelled around the world volunteering (something he had never done, traveling I mean).
    I hope for good new beginnings for your family.

  10. SO sorry. I know what you mean, about trying to be strong. But at our age, we really don't know if it all will work out. Beautiful Post..!!

  11. I'm so sorry! Hope it all works out soon!

  12. I'm sorry to hear that your father lost his job. I know this story all too well. My father is currently unemployed and has been for some time... since last summer I believe. and it was only a few years earlier that he was unemployed... for four years that time. it is a hard thing to go through for a family. especially with a father. men feel a duty to provide for their families-- to bring home the bacon, so to speak-- and when that is taken away from them it can leave them feeling purposeless, worthless, depressed. I know my dad has felt all these things even if he has never verbalized it to me. you can see it in their face. so I hope my dad and your dad can find another job soon. it's a tough market out there but I think things are beginning to slowly look up. hang in there... the sunshine always comes out again, right?



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