1.05.2011

a little rain must fall.





You live in bliss until your first fight as a couple. One day it will come, but you can't be certain where it will happen, or when it might strike. Most importantly, you never know what will set it off. After four months of dating...ours was in a parking lot. Tonight. And it was an accidental insensitive comment which came from boy, directed at girl.

It was a forty minute drive home. Silence and stoplights.

For two hours we passed each other around home like ships in the night. Downstairs, I lay teary-eyed on the couch, listening to him vacuum upstairs. I'm not an angry fighter. I'm a teary-eyed thinker, who would rather pen a letter about her feelings, than be forced to vocally express her thoughts. Time passed, and I wondered if the sun would set with words unspoken. Finally, we caught each other around the kitchen island. Me, on one side, him on the other and an enormous slab of misunderstanding and granite between us. I stood, tapping my fingers against the stone...attempting a move I like to call "Girl Nonchalantly Flipping Through Anthro Catalog". He nervously juggled dishes, and snuck glances at me from his place at the sink.

Eventually, one of us spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to say," I sighed.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he pleaded with me. "I'm gonna screw up sometimes. But even when I do, you know I'll do anything to make you happy. And I'll love you to pieces until forever."

And then he caught an giant tear sliding down my cheek, pulled me into a bear hug and kissed my nose. Team Bethany conceded.

In fifty years, tonight will be a tiny scuff on our shabby chic table of life. The first scratch seems enormous. Glaringly horrific. But over time, it's less noticeable. The daily bumps and scuffs reveal true character. Who knows. Maybe we'll get married and have babies. Then someday I'll point to the kitchen, and sassily tell our kids, "That's where daddy really screwed up for the first time." And he'll say, "That's where mommy first really overreacted." And then we'll laugh, unable to remember what we'd fought over...only that it seemed bad at the time.

For now we'll treasure the little moments that remind us to be more gentle with each other. To carefully handle hearts and minds, as it's easy to forget how delicate love, romance and relationships can be. But, I'll continue to love it all, despite any imperfections. And years down the road, I won't be able to imagine life without these scratches and stained coffee rings. 

7 comments:

  1. you have expressed this situation so beautifully. sometimes it helps to look at the bigger picture.

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  2. The first cut is the deepest, my dear. But eventually the wound heals.

    I still remember my first fight with JEGs. We were driving back from the mall and I just exploded. So badly he had to pull over.

    But the good news is we made it another 8+ years ;)

    LB

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  3. The first and worst fight I ever had with my husband was in a motel parking lot in the rain (like a crappy romance movie). This was before we were married and now we joke about it and it seems like it happened in another lifetime. I hope one day you two can look back on this and feel the same way.

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  4. You sound like you weathered it well and have made it to the other side still intact.

    I think a little bit of arguing is good for a healthy relationship sometimes. I have been with hubbie for ten years and married for nearly five of those and we can argue with the best of them, but are solid as a rock!

    xx

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  5. I could read anything you write and it would make me happy. Your way with words speaks directly to my heart!

    I hate that you guys had your first fight but it was going to happen sometime and better than it happened in person than with him a gazillion miles away. BTW - What he said melted my heart so I can only imagine what it did to yours :-)

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  6. what beautiful perspective you found

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  7. "The first scratch seems enormous." I love that phrasing; the first imperfection in a pristine relationship. But they all fade into memories when the love is there.

    The first "mistaken (and ironically the meanest) comment" my long distance boyfriend said to me:
    (I had accidentally woken him up because I needed to talk to him about something that was bothering me) "If you're just going to bitch at me I'm going to go back to sleep ." Whoops. Haha, he jokes now that he was "a little rough around the edges at first" :)

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