taking it off.

Yesterday I went balls to the wall and admitted that I've gained 16 pounds in the past 6 months. This is part two in my War on the Wiggle.

I've never been a physical girl. When I was in elementary school, I prayed for snow, rain or whatever the heavens could send that would keep me classroom-bound during recess, chatting with friends or getting lost in a book. And, while I played a few sports in my teen years, I loved sitting the bench. It meant I could daydream, rather than attempt to show physical agility and aptitude to a crowd full of mothers and peers. I'll admit it: I don't much like to move. I love me a book, a laptop, good conversation, some TV or a nap. And if there's food involved: I'm so there. That's right. I said it.

When I began my weight loss journey, I compromised on my love of not moving and did what all good chubby people do: Signed up for a gym membership. I've had that gym membership for two years, a membership utilized only around the 27th of each month, as I convince myself that the twenty-two dollars I've just paid in gym fees was a worthwhile expenditure. Or when I eat too many slices of chocolate cake.

You see, the gym is a culmination of everything I fear: Tight-fitted clothing, moving infront of others, scales and physical aptitude. Oh, and those token bronzed hot chics working out in their sports bras. Machines I don't understand. Charts telling me I'm overweight. Did I mention the hot chics in their bras? Everything about the gym leaves me feeling inferior. One hours of streaming messages that I'm just not thin enough, fit enough, attractive enough...I'm just not good enough. It makes me want to run far away to a land filled with books and doughnuts.

But, the past six months of slow and steady weight gain have proven to me that a formerly chubby girl cannot stay healthy on diet alone. Last week I did what I've been thinking about for years: I finally hired a personal trainer. No more inferiority. I need the gym. Of course my trainer looks like a supermodel. Of course. But, together we set up a plan for me to tackle alone this week, and next week I'll begin my hour-long training sessions twice a week. I need help. To be held accountable, to be guided, and pushed when I say I can't. 

I already hurt in places that are awkward to talk about. I cannot imagine what next week will bring.

But truly, it hurts so good.


  1. I used to have a membership to Bally's but I eventually dropped it when I realized I could acheive the same thing with a one time cost of a Jillian Michael's DVD ;)

    That being said, I have yet to see someone working out in just their sports bra. I do, however, see girls in those PINK shirts from Victoria's Secret. I want to go over to them and say "That tank top cost like $22!! Why are you sweating in it you crazy bish???"

    But I restrain myself. hehe.

    Good luck in the weight loss-- you can do it!


  2. You have the ability to do whatever you put your mind to, kiddo!! You and your sister have proven that to me over and over again.

    I'd give you advice about how to exercise and eat right, (as soon as I finish my Oreo's and milk) but as you know it would be worth exactly what you paid for it (you know what I look like and how I eat!!) After all, you got your ability to eat nothing and gain weight from me! Now don't tell me I didn't give ya not'in.

  3. You'll do great, Bethany! If I can become a runner, you can totally brave the gym. I belong to a women's only fitness centre, and I like to go around 8pm when it's starting to quiet down. I'm not keen on the skinny girls strutting their stuff either! But when it's getting late and I've got the place mostly to myself, then I work extra hard. Doesn't matter who sees me jiggling!

    The great thing about the exercise is that you can eat more and burn the calories more quickly, so you don't gain weight. Love it!

  4. I've found that the more one exercises, the more one likes it...but this one (points to self) thinks the hardest thing to do is start; your picked the perfect quote! I've always thought you were lovely, but I know what it's like to feel like you are maybe trapped in someone else's body. So, I hope this new journey makes you *feel* better; you already look beautiful!

  5. i feel you, sister. my favorite activity is impersonating a throw pillow. i'm about to embark on a getting healthy adventure myself. you're not alone!

    the hummingbird haps

  6. you go girl! you're a way better woman than i. seriously. i cannot hack the gym, i've stopped trying altogether. which makes it so so tough to exercise during our 6-month long winter! maybe someday i'll be a mall walker. ;)

  7. Way to go!

    I'm with you on gyms - but I've discovered I really love aerobics classes. Jazzercise may sound old-fashioned, but I've found it is full of average gals who want to work out - much less intimidating. I'm dying to give zumba a try though.

  8. So amazing! I agree that the gym can be really intimidating! My university is not representative of the actual world. It's all size 0-5 girls and they're all at the gym, all of the time! ...but at least they're not just in sports bras! yikes.

    Good for you. I think a personal trainer is a great idea for a way to push yourself. Wishing you the best in this leg of your journey!

  9. What an honest post. I think having a personal trainer will help you stay accountable. Plus she can push you and it's more likely that you will go.

    Jason had a personal trainer for a year and he would go to the gym three times a week. I'm the same as you. I need a push. Although I was a lot sportier in high school (though I must say I used to compare myself to all those elite athlete girls).

    I know you can do it! xx

  10. i'm a somewhat new reader and just wanted to say hello — i really like your corner of the web :)

  11. Way to go!

    Have to echo LizzieBeth's comment about the Jillian Michael's DVD... I haaattteee her by the middle of the workout, but it is pretty good at making me feel like I got some decent exercise into my day.

  12. Oh my goodness, Bethany! I just got home from the gym and you will never believe what I saw there... A very scantily clad skinny chick, wearing the shortest of short shorts and A SPORTS BRA!!! I have never seen anyone dressed like that there before. Until today, the day you wrote this post! What are the chances?

    Anyway, just had to let you know. I'm now home after a good workout and an eyeful of trashiness, and enjoying a big bowl of frozen raspberries. Am pretending it's gelato ;~)

    Sweet dreams in Eau Claire.

  13. Good luck you and well done at making a great start.

    I have to say I am of a similar vein and would rather tackle diet than exercise. I have always said that I think Erin's running clinic is a great idea and yours of hiring a trainer is just as fab. I am convinced something like that would be the only way I could get motivated.


  14. that's awesome that you are feeling so great about it! anytime i try to do anything, it's infinitely more difficult if i'm bummed out about it and not motivated.

    gyms always make me feel awkward too - but seriously, this is the conversation i would have in my head each time i went:
    everyone is only thinking about themselves and being just as self conscious. even the chicks in the sportsbras and tiny shorts are obviously totally concerned with how they appear - no one is even noticing you (except that creepy teenage boy, but that's different).

    go buy at least one gym outfit that you feel confident in - that will really help! :)

    best of luck with it!

  15. A healthier life is not to be feared!

    That said I'm not the biggest fan of gyms, I'm an outdoor exerciser. I love being outside on my bike or running.

    The key will be to find your favorite way to move and stick with it.


Every time you comment, a unicorn gets his wings. Also, my phone beeps and your words bring me joy. :)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...