5.23.2011

busy little life.



Holy. Busy. Weekend.

This time comes once a year during my Alma Matter's graduation weekend...friends and family flock to town to attend our boarding school's ceremony. And, you just hold on for the wild social ride. I think I counted eight social obligations that were packed in this weekend. A graduation, concert, dinners with friends, grad parties, family bonfires and so on. For me, a total homebody, I feel socially exhausted, but super duper fulfilled. 

This weekend, I was chatting with a friend on our way to dinner, and we both agreed that making new friends in your mid-twenties is a total ball-buster. Others do it so seamlessly, and yet I've not perfected the art. We theorized that we're both extremely choosy about our friendships, because we have such an amazing connection with our old friends, girls who understand us and our history entirely. Making the effort with new friends when the "click" isn't there? Well, we'd rather be at home in our PJs.

I hope that doesn't leave me sounding like a friend snob. I suppose I just opt for quality of connection over quantity.

You know how all lovers are supposed to read "The Five Love Languages"? I've developed a theory that beyond love languages, there are friendship languages. Distance has changed my friendship language. Since I attended a boarding school during high school, most of my solid friends are far-flung. California, Washington and so on. Most of them I've known since fifth grade. We all speak the same friendship language: the low-key friendship. There's no everyday phone call. Sometimes, a week passes without an email or phone call. And as lovely as it would be to see them on a weekly basis, it's okay this way. We're with each other in thoughts, and rarely a day passes without me thinking of them and wishing well their way. Or giggling at something we'd have enjoyed together and dropping an email, text or call to let them know. But, there's immense solidity, too. They know my secrets, and I theirs...and although we're barred by distance, I never cease to feel their love and support.

Some friendships thrive on daily contact, calls to check on getting together. Movie dates and drinks and picnics and kite-flying. That's just not me...and friendships that are structured as so leave me quickly exhausted and running for the door. While the individual might be super lovely, I just cannot sustain that caliber of friendship...save for my very best friends. The high-maintenance friendship is not for me. 

Distance, I've come to believe, is the truest test of friendship. Can months pass without seeing each other face to face...and you still enjoy one another's company? Is the friendship connection sustained through phone calls, emails and cards?

And ultimately: do you still remember their birthday without a Facebook prompt? :)


Sidenote: If you're thinking about joining the Always Bloggy Meet-Up this fall in Philly, but aren't 100% on if you'll be able to make it...please shoot us an email anyway! We'll give you access to the Always Bloggy blog where you can get more info about the weekend. Check out this post for the details we'll need from you.

10 comments:

  1. I could not agree more with this post. Perhaps it's because I attended the same school but trying to form new friendships is exhausting and leaves me wanting to give up. The friends I made in high school are here to stay no matter how much time passes between visits. It's a good feeling.

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  2. I ran into a similar problem a few years ago, why wasn't I making friends in my mid-20s...Then it occured to me - no one would live up to the wonderful friends I have! Of course, over the years as I stopped focusing on making new connections with people, those connections just magically developed to fill the voids in my life.

    I agree with the distance test of true friendship - but also add to that "can I survive a weekend away with this person?" Traveling with friends is wonderful, true buds know when you need some alone time, and when it's time to finally ask for directions!

    OMG, long comment! Sorry about that, but love the post!

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  3. i love this post - it was extremely self assuring for me, as i feel EXACTLY the same way about friendships. and i know that feeling of 'social exhaustion.' and truly, nothing is better than my dear friends who don't freak out if i don't contact them every single day.

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  4. I have a friend who moved to Georgia in 2004. Sometimes we go months without speaking to each other, but when we do, it's like we haven't missed a beat. Her friendship is one I cherish dearly.

    I do miss my little Georgia peach though. I wish she'd move home.

    PS.. I have not been invited to the Always Sunny blog.. may I please be? I thought I emailed the correct address...

    LB

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  5. Friend Snob is great! I immediately texted it to my two "old' friends because we have always felt that way. Love this post

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  6. I have tried multiple times to "make" friends in my 20's. All have disasterous results. Like the one I met at a weight watchers meeting. She started seeing my brother soon after and when that soured, I just couldn't deal.

    I just don't have the time or energy to put towards a new friendship. So you know what I do? I use my bff as a friend-screener. She's always been great at making friends and sometimes I piggyback on her skillz. So I have made a couple "friends" over the past few years by being lazy!

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  7. All my friends from high school have dispersed through out the country but once a year we get together for a weekend and it truelly bliss. It always feels like were back on the school playground - as if we saw each other yesterday.
    I hope you can enjoy your busy weekend!

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  8. I feel exactly this way. My best friends, whom i met in Bible college, don't live in the same country as me.
    But we're still tight; in fact, I am currently in WA right now visiting one of those friends and her new baby :)

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  9. As someone who has passed her 20s and has made large inroads to her 30s, I have to say the way and type of friends you make continue to change.

    I've found that every few years I have to change my approach - but it is so worth the effort - I have amazing groups of friends from every period of my life. And as much as I LOVE my HS/College friends, my life is so much richer because I kept up the process and have friends from every phase of life.

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  10. I definitely know what you mean. Right now, in grad school, I know about five people well (only two of which I like) and a lot of people ....okay. I've actually been 'losing' friends in the sense that a lot have gone away now that we've graduated and also in that our values are different now (I don't get drunk and go to crazy parties and that's a very common past time here). It wouldn't be a problem but that's the ONLY thing some people talk about...

    Anyways, I've had a problem making new friends because I don't have time to commit to more people and when I actually have an hour of free time it's usually devoted to Noah.

    Tonight I'm hoping to see some friends at a Trivia Game Night but that means I'll have to get up at 6:00am tomorrow morning to complete the work I should have done tonight.

    Sometimes it's really hard to find time for everything you need to do.

    Although you're lucky, I don't have an obscene number of friends I can talk to who know my secrets. For some reason most of my friends are guys (like my roommates and high school group). They're great and fun but not much for talking. I've never developed those female relationships well because I can't take drama. I take things too personally even when it's not supposed to be a direct hit.

    Hmm... I've droned on for long enough here, but I guess to summarize I definitely understand what you're saying and it's not snobbish.

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