Gabe wrote this at 4am, before we left for the airport. He'll loathe that I'm
sharing his "boyish" handwriting...but I adore it.
I'm the worst at goodbyes. My heart feels goodbyes deeply, but my mouth cannot properly express them. Rather than forming heartfelt sentiments, words like, "Keep on truckin'" come out of my mouth. Yep. Keep. On. Truckin.
Gabriel is much better at goodbyes. His goodbyes begin days in advance, as he grows quiet and squeezes my hand a little tighter. He says his goodbyes in extra "I love yous", weaves them into countless tight, wordless hugs for days. His goodbyes are said by stocking my house with flowers. By overnighting this book, which was sold out everywhere in town. Just something to look forward to on this crummy day, he said.
This will be our longest goodbye...six months. It began at 5am today and will end just days before Christmas. We always think it will get easier, each goodbye. Like someday we'll be old pros at not being face to face, at not kissing each other goodnight or giggling over how often I curse like a sailor. But it doesn't get easier. With every visit there's a little bit more love built, memories shared and learning to feel our rekindled love from across an ocean will never get easier.
But, if anything, it's a small blessing. The loneliness I feel when he is gone reminds me of how very, very much is bundled up in him. And how supremely lucky I am to call him my future husband.