A few semesters of my college career were spent in drawing and painting classes, days which could only be described as intimidating. (Full disclosure: They were tolerable only due to one very handsome British instructor.) Classes would start at 8am and last til 11am...I felt every second of those three hours. For the first hour, I'd fiddle with erasers, brushes and palettes until it was no longer possible to disguise the truth: I was buying time until I absolutely, positively had to commit to putting a colorful mark on that big blank white space.
Life for me, recently, has felt that way: a blank white space. I'm at this really beautiful place where I have time, energy, the ability to throw myself into something new, and a husband who is endlessly supportive of my creativity. There are vibrant colors just waiting to hit the canvas...I have so many ideas rolling around in my head. I could say, "I'm going to write a book...or spend every minute blogging...or open a small creative business...or devote all my time to learning French."
And God bless my husband. He's told me to do all of those things, he really believes I could do anything.
But right now, I'm scared of that big white space. Instead of taking myself seriously as a creative girl, I've been fiddling with little creative things here or there without committing to a bigger plan. And that's solely out of fear.
When I crack past that layer of creative inferiority, I know I'm a gutsy girl. I planned a wedding in eight weeks, I flew to a foreign country to meet my husband and I've walked the streets of the middle east alone! In so many ways, I'm gutsy and have faith in my skill set. But dedicating myself to a first colorful, creative move...putting the first brushstroke on the canvas and solidly saying, "I'm doing this. Even if it's bumpy and awkward at first...I'm going to become great at it..."
...well, it's got me struggling. And I don't know if admitting it is a wise move, but I always try to be honest 'round here. So there it is, friends.
Do you ever feel that way about life? Just inexplicably, beyond frightened to make that first colorful stroke? How do you battle it?