4.11.2012

table for two.

(breakfast on my porch)

When I was a little girl, I just thought being a "grown up" meant you had a lot of money to spend, a husband to change lightbulbs + carry heavy things and no one told you when to go to bed.

Two of those things are true.

But it also means making decisions about the future and sticking your plan, even when it gets tough. For us, our dream has been to live abroad before starting a family. The path to that destination was paved with spending the first three months of our marriage apart--Gabe worked a limited-term job in Kuwait, and searched for another job abroad where I could join him.

I'd be lying to you if I said that was easy. It wasn't. Even for long-distance pros like us, being freshly married and apart was an entirely different ballgame. But, we clung onto this silly little hope that sacrificing for a few months would pay off in a dream-come-true. As the weeks ticked by, we realized how few jobs were available abroad due to funding cuts in Gabe's field. He was in the final phases of a hiring process for a new job, when all new hiring for the company was frozen. We kept hoping some miracle would come through in the final days, but it didn't.

So, Plan B has gone into effect: Dip into our savings account to pay the mortgage + my final month's rent in Wisconsin. Gabe would come home and continue searching for a job, I'll pack up my things. We'll be ready to jet the second he gets a job offer to....anywhere that pays the mortgage.

I suppose that's mostly why I've been silent for the past week. Because life is changing, and it's not following my meticulously thought-out Plan A. It's unpredictable, scary and all those things you never really realized came with adulthood. Like I've said before, we choose our life path...and deal with the circumstances of those choices. You don't get to play the victim. You just don't. When I feel negatively about our circumstances, I keep my mouth shut. Like I did for the past week.

But, yesterday my husband came home to me in Wisconsin. It wasn't in Plan A, but after months apart, I cannot express the joy I felt the second I saw him at the airport. No matter what happens...we have each other. It's a tough lesson to learn, but these unplanned, uncertain days have taught me this: if you have someone to love, someone to make lemon cake for, to share your tiny twin-size bed in your teeny-tiny apartment...

...you have it all.

20 comments:

  1. Hey Bethany--I love this post. I started reading your blog a couple months ago and have been silent up until now. I think it's time to say hello! You are absolutely lovely, and your words here have only strengthen that opinion of you. Things can be hard when they don't go according to plan, but as I just posted in my most recent post-having patience and faith is key. Things don't always make sense in the moment and it may seem like everything you want is nowhere near in reach of you, but then suddenly, out of nowhere they are. In the meantime, it's important to count your blessings and embrace just being. Seems like you already are doing this, and for that I applaud you! Best wishes to you and your husband! Also, lemon cake sounds delish.

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  2. Oh Bethany, you couldn't have said it better. Sometimes our "plan A"s have to fail for our real "Plan A"s to begin...it may look like a plan B right now, but like you said, with your honey home and the two of you together, you can do anything. Seriously, you truly do have it all! It still doesn't hurt to cross our fingers and toes and hope that it all happens soon! Best of luck to you guys - I know this will turn out to be even better than your original plan:) xo

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  3. Hopefully these changes in your life will end up being for the better! :)
    & What a lovely place to have breakfast in the morning! So pretty!

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  4. I was worrying about you! Plan B usually turns out to be better than Plan A anyway--besides, it makes you appreciate when everything turns out wonderfully that much more. I'm crossing my fingers for lowered stress levels for you both, but in the meantime I applaud you realizing what is truly important. <3

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  5. adulthood is a tough realization, huh? i found your blog yesterday and have found so many posts i can relate to. like you, i am a newly-engaged 25-year old engaged to a beautiful and kind man who's in the airforce. although we haven't had to tough out a long distance run yet..i know it will come one day. i had to decide early on whether i could deal with it...guess you can't help who you fall for! we're in the midst of planning our wedding..and even small things like finding a place to have it have proved to be a challenge!

    what i can say (and i hope to follow my own advice)- is that whenever life gets too overwhelming, or too off the track we planned for ourselves...to take a step back and remember who u have right by your side. it will all work out in the end. i truly believe that.

    xo
    kay

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  6. Crossing my fingers for you both. Lovely writing, thank you for sharing.

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  7. Thank you for sharing this post.
    As I read it, I couldn't help but relate. My boyfriend and I also started our relationship with quite a bit of distance between us, and that continued for two years before we could find a place that would bring us together. We were not nearly the distance of you and Gabe, but it definitely strained our relationship. Rather than one of us moving to where the other was, we decided to do a dual-search in a new location. This led to me getting job, while he was out of a job for seven very tough months. It also meant that we had to live at my mom's house -not ideal at all. He now has a job that is a great fit for him, and we have a happy new place that we are excited to call home. There were many times when we thought "what the heck were we thinking?" and where I was really unpleasant to be around. But like others have said, perhaps they were for the best. While we went through a lot of struggles, I know our relationship is stronger now because of it. It seems like you are doing a great job of staying positive and enjoying the little things about being in the same place. Thanks for willing to be so honest and open - it's inspiring. I love reading your blog! : )

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  8. yay for gabe being home!

    it'll all work out
    always does :)

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  9. Im there sharing with you with marriage plan A not working but you have it right about having plan B. B is harder but living through the hard times and still be head overheels in love.
    Keep strong and have your heart continuously positive.
    Love you hun!

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  10. I have all the faith in the world that you will gracefully handle (and flourish!) in whatever life sends your way. for now, enjoy this sweet time with your hubby!

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  11. It's hard to know that things are not going according to plan.. but I'm happy that you and Gabe are together right now. Enjoy it!

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  12. Best part about this post... Gabe is with you! As long as you two are together, that's home.
    xo

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  13. I always get caught up in my "life plan" and sometimes it is nice to be reminded to stop and appreciate what I have and where I am at. Wishing you guys all the best of luck xx

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  14. Ah, Bethany!
    I'm so glad to hear that Gabe is home - which, from now on, will be where ever you happen to be!
    While it is good to have a plan it's better to understand that plans change; that locations take second place to people; that family trumps everything.
    Enjoy this interlude. Build some Wisconsin routines and memories. Take the next step as it comes - and it will come and the two of you will be ready.
    How lovely to have breakfast together at that table!!

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  15. Hunter is my visual of how wonderful things can be when your well-laid plans go astray.

    You'll have your Hunter too. I promise.

    LB

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  16. Oh hun I hope it all works out well for you both which I am sure it will a little faith always help ... good luck to you two xx

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  17. Those times of uncertainty are hard. I'm convinced that the times I've had my Plan A's fall through and had to wait for something else have almost always resulted in something better than I could have planned for. Enjoy your time together and have faith that things will work out.

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  18. hi bethany! i read this post before I went on my trip and I thought it was just lovely. I've learned over the years that the most unplanned unanticipated experiences are truly the most wonderful. There may have been something you thought would work better and planned a certain way, but life seems to surprise us and end up working out just beautifully how it really ends up happening :) I hope you and Gabe are enjoying living together in your cute apartment!! *cheers* to unexpected and unplanned experiences :)

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  19. Thank you for this post! I definitely needed to read something like this - so encouraging, hopeful and strong! Thanks for helping me keep my perspective and be grateful for the things that i have!

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  20. Thank you for this post! I definitely needed to read something like this - so encouraging, hopeful and strong! Thanks for helping me keep my perspective and be grateful for the things that i have!

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