7.23.2012

my big truth and why i'm headed for italy.


I'm boggled that seven weeks have passed since I left the US to start a life in Kuwait. And it's been a trip...with plenty of ups and downs. Maybe I haven't been so honest about the "downs". But this weekend while Facetiming my hilarious friend, Karen, I was finally honest with the outside world about how I feel here:


(Paraphrased for brevity's sake. It was a good, long Facetime chat.)

Me: "I just don't know how to write about the tricky stuff, without sounding like a big, spoiled whiner. Like, "Oh. My life is so hard because I live in a foreign country and don't have to work. Whine, whine." I know how that sounds! And it's not good."

Karen: "Well, I think anyone who knows you...knows that living in the Middle East isn't exactly your shtick. Lots of people wouldn't do it. No one is going to be surprised that you're not loving every minute. I can't imagine they've got, like, craft stores there..."

Me: "Uh, there's this place with a large pen selection..."

Karen: Dies laughing at my pathetic face.

Ah. Yes. Here it is, the big, messy truth.


The truth I've held back for fear of being thought spoiled or rude: I don't love it here. And I'm pretty depressed.

Somehow that feels cruel to say, or perhaps just scary to write publicly. Like lurking trolls will hurl insults at me for expressing this honest thought. I've tried, Lurking Trolls! For the first month I kept my mouth shut, even to Gabe. I focused on being open to the experience and embracing it. I read up on the interesting culture, people-watched and respected the rules. And when I felt that niggling sadness, I'd just Think! Positive! Thoughts! I withheld comparing my new home to anything I experienced previously.  Just let it be what it is, I told myself.

But the other night, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling homesick and empty. Gabe noticed, and asked if I was okay. When I opened my mouth to explain, I exploded with tears that had been bottled up for weeks. Tears about how I miss everything. How I feel like a terrible person for not loving it here. But how, above all, I feel like a massive piece of my identity is just gone. I'm not great at many things in life, this I know, but back home I had this beautiful niche that was perfect for the very few things I felt good at: throwing cute parties, making special moments with my family, thrift-storing, arranging flowers, going on little adventures, crafting, walking and snapping photos. Maybe it was all fluff, but it was a life that inspired me and brought me joy. Fully of silly things that now feel like huge, gaping holes of who I am. This friendly, perky girl who loved crafting, writing and photography...with huge dreams and the crazy belief she could actually do things in life...that part of me vanished somewhere, or maybe she just deflated while crossing the Atlantic.

"Is that part of me gone forever? Is it just on hold until we move in a year?" I asked Gabe, that night in the dark. He didn't say anything, just hugged me until I fell asleep.  

The next morning, Gabe emailed from work to say he'd spotted an insanely cheap flight to Rome and like it or not, I was going on a little getaway where I could stroll around taking photos, drinking wine, pillaging little shops + flea markets and scouring museums until my heart exploded. Being a stubborn girl, I put up a fight about finances and learning to be happy without running away. But I didn't win.

And so, that is how I find myself robbing our savings account and packing for a cheap week-long trip to Rome. Call it crazy, call it irrational. Call it running away, if you must. 

We're choosing to call it "staying sane".

Have you ever felt a loss of identity after moving or entering a new phase in life? How do you find your way back in...do you try with all you've got, or just wait around until something clicks?

54 comments:

  1. Trolls be damned! You are living in a VERY different world, very.different.world. Of course it is hard and you are homesick - thank you for letting that out. I hope your staying sane trip is BEAUTIFUL and soothing to your soul.

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  2. Bethany, thank you for opening up and sharing this! I can't imagine how hard this journey must have been for you, and you are so brave, positive and wonderful. There is no reason to feel bad for one second about not being happy all the time, especially when launched into a completely unfamiliar situation combined with all of the hard experiences you've had too: the apartment scam, the numerous canceled flights, the kittens! You've been through a heck of a lot in the last seven weeks, and I personally would have broken down and cried much sooner. You are brave and wonderful - know that!!

    Now I just wish with all my might that I could join you in Rome!!!! Maybe there is a cheap ticket from Copenhagen... hmmm...

    But truly, next time you want to take a little stay-sane-vacation, please consider coming to visit me up north!! We'll craft like crazy and make numerous margaritas of course!!!!

    Again: you are AMAZING and so brave!!! If anyone deserves a trip to Rome, it's you!!!

    xxxxx,
    Alex
    she is red

    PS - Gabe is a saint!! You're a lucky gal!!!

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  3. I don't think it will come as a surprise that I've been floundering since Christmas to make sense of my life in the last 7 months. How somehow in less than a year I went from happy with my job, at my ideal weight with a man who loved me and wanted to marry me to someone who is burnt out from traveling and from the lack of acknowledgement for all that I do for work, 55lb heavier (well, 25 now) and without the one person who has ever made my world sing. Some days I feel like I'm treading water and some days I'm sinking but I haven't seen that tropical island that I know is out there yet. I refuse to stop looking for it though.

    You're doing a hard thing, girlie. Something that I have thought about when I think of you and I know I wouldn't have been able to do it the way you have. You don't have to be strong all of the time and I know (I KNOW) it's hard trying to put that strong front on when you feel like you're shattering. But just keep treading water, land is coming. And I heard there's rum on it ;)

    And trolls? They are jealous. JEALOUS. You are beautiful, creative and extremely talented. When people are threatened by something they try to knock it down to their level to be on a more even playing field. Ignore them and take it as a compliment.

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  4. I have absolutely felt that way...and it is hard! I try as hard as I can but I do try to step away for a moment or however long it takes to get back to "me" again. I think it's wonderful that you are getting away for a week! It will rejuvenate you and inspire you! Have fun and take lots and lots of pictures :)

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  5. I ma 100 percent positive that that girl is still in there. Just getting used to a slightly different locale, and trying to respect the local culture.

    Like I said the other night, Kuwait just isn't your schtick, but it's only a blip on the adventure that is your life. And you will be a better, more understanding person because of it.

    HUGS AND KISSES (except I know those aren't really allowed in Kuwait, but no one can stop you from making it rain with glitter, so do that instead!)

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  6. bless your heart...I can only imagine what a transition this has been for you. I would feel the same way I'm sure! None of those things that bring you joy are fluff...I believe that 100%! (or maybe I'm just saying that because those are all things that bring me great joy too! ;) I hope you enjoy your getaway and I'm sure you will be able to meet back up with that girl you have been missing. :)

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  7. doesn't it feel better to have gotten it all out? i'm a lot like you - have grown up in the same city my whole life, and although i'm developing a love for travel...there's something about coming back home to a familiar place.

    other transitions that make me feel like i'm giving up a little piece of myself....getting married next year! "wife" has a very official sound to it ;) makes me feel like the days of being a young and stupid girl are going away.

    but as they say...life is all about change! and thank god because how boring would it be to stay stagnant. enjoy rome...and let us know how it goes...john and i are honeymooning there next year ;)

    xo

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  8. You know, I think it's totally valid to feel trapped and deflated and therefore a little depressed in Kuwait. The Middle East isn't exactly known for being hospitable to women. And you said it yourself: the things that make you yourself are being suppressed and limited. Of course you're sad. You can't be you.

    I agree with the above commenters: You DESERVE this trip. Maybe your life is currently a little on the spoiled side (living in other countries? week-long trips to Rome? SO JEALOUS), but you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You should feel blessed. Because you are :)

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  9. Dear Bethany,

    Wow. I could so relate to your post. A couple of months ago I thought I would just break down after 5 straight months of working in my new job without a vacation. What brought me back to sanity was a quick trip to Hong Kong (I'm from Manila, Philippines) with my boyfriend which I knew we couldn't really afford (we're saving up for our wedding next year). But it was either a few hundred dollars (hurray for cheap flights!) or a grumpy, burnt out girl. Gabe is so sweet! Hurray for sweet, understanding men. :) And don't worry about the money. As they say, travel is the only thing you buy that will make you richer afterwards. :)

    By the way, I love your blog. :) I've been following it for months but only now found the impulse (and courage) to comment. Maybe because I see a bit of myself in your words here. Have a fun trip to Italy! You deserve it. :)

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  10. I only moved 900 some miles and I struggled for a few months. I felt like a fish out of water. I didn't know my way around, I was scared of traffic (something I didn't deal with in (WI) AND I was getting used to being married. My husband is thousand shades of fabulous and is my very best friend but I had been a single working mom calling all the shots for 5 years; all of a sudden I was a stay-at-home mom and part of a married couple. That transition alone would have been enough but pair that with the move and getting acclamated to a new state made this girl one very hot mess. I had so much to be grateful for but I didn't seem to be able to get myself out of the funk.

    For me, I needed to start taking care of myself again. Working out. Reading books to uplift me. Getting my hair done regularly. :-) Things I needed to do for me. But the biggest adjustment was that I finally adjusted to being married. I stopped needing to be in control and accepted that my husband was there as a partner and friend.

    Good luck and have fun.

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  11. Gosh, I would never think you were whiny. You are so, so brave.

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  12. Bethany ! No you don't have to apologise for this that is just the way life is and you have lived it so differently for 20 or so years, you are in shock and it is nothing to be afraid of or embarrassed about. You have got to be honest to yourself and Gabe.

    How sweet of him to do this for you. Shame it's not london i would love to have met up with you but the downside is or rather an upside is that we are off to Greece next week ... yayayayay for holidays.

    Have fun beautiful lady, chin up and keep smiling that lovely smile of yours.

    Love Chrissi xx

    www.christianaholt.blogspot.co.uk

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  13. Oh honey, I can so relate. You have no idea.

    I'm not living in a foreign country, but rather my parent's basement! The transition is rough. I'm very much a "homemaker"--that is, I love creating & maintaining a space that I can call my own. When I don't have that, I feel a little lost, sad. Which is what I'm experiencing now. I remind myself it's only temporary (until my husband finishes AF training & we move to a base in TX), but like you, I find myself wondering, "do I just grin & bear it until December?".

    I'm thrilled for you. Italy! How marvelous. Are you going solo, then? Can't wait to hear all about it. Hope it's just the fix you need to feel a bit better about things.

    Thanks for your honesty. Always love reading your words!

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  14. yay that sounds so fun!
    the middle east would be a toughie.
    i think you're doing a pretty fantastic job though

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  15. Aww babe so sorry to hear you've been feeling this way! I had noticed you've been quite quiet as of late.

    Like everyone else is telling you - it-is-okay-to-feel-this-way. Doesn't make you a bad person, and I'm glad you haven't kept it to yourself any longer than you did.

    Living abroad is hard, living abroad in a completely different culture with different rules and society? Double hard. It's quite an adjustment, and I can bet money on it I'd find it even more difficult than you, I think you're handling it very well.

    I don't believe the perky you is gone, just you wait till you're in Rome - you'll see!!!

    Have a great time xxxx

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  16. Oh gosh, Bethany, I can't imagine how you're feeling (I mean, at least Texas has craft stores) but I feel similarly that my soul is drained from being in a place where my heart isn't fulfilled. Lucky for you, you have an amazing husband who realizes that you need to make sure your soul is in a good place to feel happy.

    Here's hoping that your Rome trip makes you feel like you again!

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  17. oh, this makes me so sad. i have lived abroad a few times and it is HARD. it is totally understandable how you feel, everything in your life has changed and change is always an adjustment, no matter how much of an adventure that change is. you will get through this. and while you may never fall in love with kuwait and consider it home, eventually you will come to love it for the challenges it provides that allow you to grow and for the self-discovery you will inevitably have. hang in there and keep looking for a new way to craft to occupy your time (i firmly believe that too much free time is a HUGE contributor to those sad feelings...i say this from personal experience.) you are a creative person and maybe this is an opportunity to discover a new medium. enjoy rome. it's a beautiful city and a great place to find the beauty in life again-it's kind of magical. good luck.

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  18. I have been in this place with nearly every move - and my moves have always been to easier places than Kuwait and I've always been working, which I think is actually easier to do than to be the accompanying spouse.

    Taking a break when you need it is the best way to cope.

    Enjoy your time in Italy!

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  19. Awwww, Bethany! You poor thing. Do NOT be so hard on yourself. When I first moved to Kuwait I was young, single, and free. I had a great time exploring a new country and loved every moment of it. However, several years later I was offered a great opportunity in the UAE and took it -- thinking how different could it really be from Kuwait? Well, let me tell you, I hated it more than I hate celery (and that's a lot of hate). I left every single weekend! I probably spent more than I made on travel, just to escape the place I NEVER adjusted to.

    Fortunately, after a longgggg year and a half, I finally left and moved back here to Kuwait.

    The only thing that helped the time pass while desperately hoping to adjust to what should have been the life of luxury was creating a very strict schedule for myself. Every single little detail had to be altered to create a sense of comfort. The way my couch faced the window, the Starbucks at 7:23am EVERY morning I was in the country, even the exact same foods I purchased over and over at the grocery store. So I can certainly relate to your feelings and I hope you find that little something that helps you overcome this hurdle.

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  20. oh hugs! It's ok.... have fun in Rome, I'm jealous! =)

    As for the other parts, it's ok to feel that way. It's probably normal too. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Can you spend any time exploring the city? Are there any open air markets? I've never been to the middle east, so I have no idea. But it at least seems like there could be potential for fun things to do. Maybe it'll just take some more time to adjust.

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  21. i don't think anybody could fault you in the least for feeling the way you do. it's such a big transition. and sure, others may technically have a "harder" situation, but there's no need to compare - each situation is unique to the individual. i can't imagine how i would feel in your same place - likely very similar! you say all of those pieces of you were trivial, but i don't think so at all - like you say, that's your identity, and a very important part of you.

    i'm so glad you get to go on an awesome trip! that will certainly help lift some of the blues away.

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  22. I think what you are feeling and going through is completely natural given the circumstances. It's a completely new, probably slightly isolated world compared to where you were before. When our daughter arrived and the attention shifted to her and I was no longer able to work on crafts or my art, I felt completely let down and depressed. And then I felt even more depressed for feeling like that after having a beautiful baby. I think it's important to acknowledge and accept how you are feeling. Sometimes life isn't what we expected, and that's ok. : ) My thoughts are with you, and I hope you have a beautiful time in Rome!

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  23. You're living in a completely different world! It's only normal to be feeling out of touch with things! You deserve a small get away!

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  24. You are so strong & brave for everything you've done & it's okay if it takes you some time to find your groove. Be patient & kind with yourself, as others should be as well. & enjoy your Italy getaway!!!!!

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  25. I can't imagine how hard it must be to make such an enormous adjustment, especially when Gabe is at work all day and you're by yourself in such a wildly different place to home.

    You totally deserve this trip, and I expect you'll enjoy every second of it! ITALY! Swoon...

    Sending you love and hugs, B.
    xoxo

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  26. Bethany,

    I have emailed you a few times and haven't heard anything back from you. I am so sorry to see that you are struggling with Kuwait and the differences in the culture. I will put you in my "now I lay me's" from now on. :) My husband also works in Kuwait and I leave here (Iowa) the first week in August to live in Kuwait with him. And us being in the same position, I would love to get together!

    Hope to hear from you soon!

    Rachel

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  27. I honestly have no idea how I'd handle a move like the one you just made. It takes guts and grits and I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

    With that said, go enjoy the crap out of Italy and all the restorative inspiration you are able to fit on your memory card. Thinking of you!

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  28. I honestly have no idea how I'd handle a move like the one you just made. It takes guts and grits and I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

    With that said, go enjoy the crap out of Italy and all the restorative inspiration you are able to fit on your memory card. Thinking of you!

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  29. There is nothing wrong with doing something for you. That's not selfish or bad. It's smart and necessary. You have had so much change in a short period of time and have dealt withit with grace. Enjoy this trip!! You totally deserve it.

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  30. Thank you so much for writing this. I feel this way right now- and I didn't even move to a new country. And when people ask how living in a new city is, I do nothing but gush. Because it really is a great city. It's just that there have been many more growing pains than I anticipated, or want to talk about, and like you, I don't want to seem like I am whining. Or complaining. I hate that you are feeling this way- but you must know how good it felt to read these words this morning, and the additional comments, and know that I am not alone in this feeling.

    It gives me permission to mourn that person I used to be in another city. To be ok with the sadness that in a way, she is gone. BUT that makes me feel that I can finally set her aside so that I can step into the person I am supposed to be in this city, now.

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  31. This really is an amazing post! I know how you feel. Not everywhere in the world is perfect for everyone, and you've been so great at keeping a happy facade and finding the best in you situation. You're in an entirely different environment, and you can't expect to love everything! You've been so strong, and I admire you for that.

    I believe that taking this trip is the smartest decision you could have made! I just got back from living in Italy for 3 months, and I know that you will love it! It will most certainly help you stay sane!

    Have a lovely time!

    - Savannah

    smileyius.blogspot.com

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  32. Thank you so much for your honesty in sharing this. I cannot even imagine being in your position of having your world totally turned upside down. You are totally brave for trying to live in another country - I'm not quite sure I could hack it.

    It sounds like this trip is well deserved. Relax, refresh, reflect.

    Wishing you all the best!

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  33. This is what I'm experiencing right now.
    I didn't move quite as far, just from St. Louis to Los Angeles. My parents moved here while I was in college, where I studied photography and film. I thought it was really convenient and fateful that my family was already here and I have a boyfriend so willing to move here because we both want to work in entertainment.

    I've always known that I dislike Los Angeles. It's hot, muggy, rude, loud, crowded, dirty, broken and dangerous. It sounds really spoiled but I have to drive 20 minutes to a "good" Target (where it's actually clean) and something I need is likely to be out of stock or opened or damaged.

    I've gotten so fed up with this city that anytime someone asks, stranger or not, I say, "I'm only here for the job prospects."

    And what's gotten me down into the doldrums, the kind where you randomly pause in your day to cry where you stand or collapse in bed because it's too hot to exist, is that I don't have any real job prospects. I knew breaking into Hollywood would be tough, but I never thought that my ambition would drown in the smog. Every day without a job in the industry feels like another day I've failed.

    It's been one year, two months and six days since I've moved here. I feel like I can hang on for another year but I doubt I can last for a third.

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  34. Good for you for being honest. With yourself. Your hubs. And this space. It's not easy moving to a place that is so starkly different from North America.
    I'm glad your husband is giving you this trip. I hope it refreshes your soul and revives you.
    11 months ago I moved to Uganda with my husband & 2 little boys. We have a third on the way now. We're only halfway into our time here in Uganda. This both thrills me and terrifies me.
    This year has been one of opening my eyes to the beauty in pain. The lovely in the mundane. And the joy in the different.
    I hope you can find these things as well.
    Feeling unhappy no matter what your circumstance does not negate those feelings. You can't compare YOUR life to someone else's. It's yours.

    Enjoy your amazing trip to Italy. I'm only a teensy (lot) bit jealous. :)

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  35. Honey, I felt the SAME way when we moved to Tenneessee! I knew NO one. I hated it! I would sit and cry in the shower everyday. I missed my friends and my way of life before. I knew I could never go back to that. Once I finally got ok with it, we moved to NYC. lol! The cycle started all over again...cheer up pup, it will get better. Italy is fabulous. The food, shopping, and everyone is ridiculously gorgous!

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  36. What a good and caring husband! I think this sounds like just what the Dr. ordered. It takes a while to find your way when you relocate...it must take even longer when you relocate across the world. Good for you for embracing the opportunity to enjoy Italy. Can't wait to hear about it.

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  37. I'm so excited for you! While I hope at some point you find some joy and pretty in Kuwait, just know that if your heart never settles there, it's okay and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I work with immigrants and many of them came because of their husband's job. Some have been here in the states for 30+ years and still feel that home is somewhere else.

    Though I will say, I have no doubt that the parts of you you loved in Wisconsin are in there somewhere, maybe just hiding a bit deeper. Here's to hoping you find a bit of you in Rome!

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  38. I've been waiting to hear you say those words... It has never sounded glorious to me, but it's very obvious you are trying really hard to see the "positive side of things". I am very happy you let the cat out of the bag! Honesty to yourself and your husband is so important. Now, I bet you'll see a little turn for the better because it's out in the open. Now you have your husband, your friends, and your readers here for support. Gabe sounds like an amazing man, you are very lucky! Italy is on the top of my bucket list! Have so much fun! And don't be afraid to share the truth, that is what will get you through this difficult time.

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  39. You sound ABSOLUTELY normal saying that! I moved to Florida two years ago to be with my "beau". My boyfriend and I were dating for 5 years, 3 years long distance and I was over it with being long distance. I moved to Florida, 3 miles from the beach, we have a pool, palm trees in our yard, took a job where I worked way less hours. I thought, this is great, but I was SO not happy. Miserable. I would cry a lot and I missed my girlfriends, my life, my busy around the clock job. Two years later, I met a few people, discovered new places, explored online, started Floridian Weddings, and life has gotten better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for you. Sounds like you have one amazing husband. Enjoy your trip, drink some wine, wear cute outfits, do things you can't do in Kuwait. You are pretty brave, and this is a move that you will look back on and learn A LOT from. xoxo

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  40. Bless your heart, hun! (Yeah, I went all Southern on you!) I know it's hard - Kuwait is a HUGE adjustment, so give yourself time, and give yourself a big break, ok? Things will get better!

    Enjoy the heck out of Italy, take pictures and enjoy wonderful food! Things will get better in Kuwait, I know this is true! :)

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  41. Good for you. I so much appreciate your honesty, even more than that you've got a great husband. No one, I'm sure not even him expected you to just be your usual self. You're living in a completely different country that is waaaaaaay different from your 'home'. From earlier posts, it seems like you are trying so hard to find happiness there and find things to keep you smiling.

    Life is hard sometimes, I recently had a death of someone very close to me. It has rocked my world like nothing I have ever been through. I've learned that you can't bottle up your feelings though- as much as you don't like them, or understand them, you've got to get them out! I've also learned that it's important to take control, don't sit in the same routines or put the same expectations on yourself. When you're upset or going through a funk, get out try new things, explore and find new things to make you happy. Good for your husband taking the lead on this one to help you! What an excellent support! What are savings accounts for anyways if your driving yourself crazy?! Live girlfriend, soak up all that you can in your trip to Italy!

    Soak up a little extra for me!

    xo Kayla

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  42. You have nothing to feel bad for and I am amazed and envious of your positive attitude attempts. When I moved from Wisconsin to Maryland (much less far and different) I was depressed for months and months, I sometimes still am. It is super super hard to meet new people and make new friends and find new activities and feel like you belong. I feel like I will never belong again. Don't be hard on yourself.You are human.

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  43. I have been reading your blog for a little while now and secretly waiting for information about how it is to live in Kuwait. I think it's important to be honest on your blog, as you can tell you got so much support! Hopefully this cheered you up some :) I also moved away from home to a US city without friends and with a damaged relationship. It was difficult to feel so alone in a new place but getting out to discover the city helpede through it. I look back and think about how much I grew during that first year and it feels good, not painful anymore. I think your trip to Italy is do important, it is worth your mental health to take a break and feel better!

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  44. Bethany,

    I can't even begin to imagine how hard this whole transition and living in Kuwait must be. You are so brave to be there! Thankfully you have a wonderfully supportive husband, family and friends. I hope you soak up every minute in Italy. It's one of my favorite places. Hugs to you!

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  45. Oh my God I get this!!! I lived in Germany for 6 months...it was hard. I didn't speak the language, had no friends, and felt like I lost myself. BUT I did find a new part of me that I would have never known either. It take time for sure. I can't imagine how it is in the Middle East. THAT is so different. Even being a woman there is different. I can imagine the sturggles. And no...no craft stores either. *sigh* You are not spoiled. Or a whiner. I moved to California from Chicago 4 years ago and struggled with that. Holy cow that is still in the United States for heavens sake! You are going through a MAJOR life change...give yourself time. And enjoy Rome!!!

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  46. I simply adore you. If you can't be honest here, where can you? You are in a very different world, you have every right to have those feelings! Italy isn't runnin away - its a break. Time to collect your thoughts, and eat gelato!

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  47. oh my i love this post, so perfectly said. moving is hard plain in simple esp to a new country! :) I have only moved across the states with my husband and its been darn hard! :)

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  48. Thank you for this! I just moved to Kuwait, have been here all of 11days, and just had my first big cry. I relate to you on many levels (being an artsy craftsy girl myself). Your blog was the first blog I subscribed to when I found out I was moving here. I find it beautiful and a breath of fresh air. Just be assured that you are not alone. There is at least one other craftsy girl attempting to maneuver the rubble and find the color in this city. Fortunately the Gulf is such a lovely seafoam green.

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  49. Bethany,
    I'm so glad you wrote this , i feel relief that im not the only person feeling this way.I pretend to friends and family that everything is great here and im happy but the truth is its so hard to give up everything that forms your identity. The way i dress , my job and friends are all gone. Its so hard to meet like minded people, I would love to have a conversation with someone other than my husband or the guy in startbucks! I moved to Kuwait with my husband at the start of July and feel like my identity is slowly slipping away. There is only so much doing nothing a person can do before they go insane right?

    My sister in-law works in battersea cat and dog home as a re-homer and quite often "fosters" the animal until they are well enough to be re-homed so I know the hard work it takes to look after such a new kitten. He looks so sweet and adorable.

    I just want you to know you are not alone. The way you are feeling/ felt is completely normal. I too was feeling guilty for my #firstworldproblems.

    Ps there are heaps of crafty things at the Friday market. I almost cried when I seen it all............ Fabric, lace and more buttons than one woman could ever need.

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  50. Hey! Found your blog through aubryeliz...I live in the middle east (abu dhabi) and used to blog about it...i totally understand where you're coming from. especially the lack of craft stores, target, pebble ice, and the like...but if your life is anything like mine, there is a lot to be grateful for, even if it's hard to remember. if you ever want someone to vent to who gets it, I'm here! the middle east sucks sometimes. but at least we've got cheap drycleaning, right??? xx

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  51. I just found your blog and as someone that was born and raised in the Middle East, I totally understand where you are coming from. But just know that the Middle East also is an amazingly unique place and perhaps never again in your life will you be able to learn all that you will learn by living there and being a part of it. Take it all in while you can, there are days that I look back and miss so much about my time there now but I know it shaped me as who I am.
    http://truecoloursblog.blogspot.com

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  52. Oh my god sweetie, I've just found your blog and it's absolutely amazing the way I feel related to you. I'm going trough the exact same thing... well, maybe not exactly the same, but very much alike. Ever since you are already back and have been living there for a while, I'd like to ask if you feel better about that, 'cause it seems to me like that part of me that I used to like isn't ever coming back. Sometimes it feels like everything is falling apart. Will I ever be the same person I was? Will I get to be the person I WANT to be?. Hard to know. And I really try to keep my mouth shut because otherwise I think I'd be whining, but it's not nice to be this depressed. My family doesn't get it and instead of supporting me they complain about me feeling like this, and my boyfriend, instead of encouraging me or at least listening to me, decided that it was better to go on separate ways. I know it wasn't his obligation but it made me feel even more confused. What am I to do? I don't know if I should change my life, do a different thing, a thing that makes me happy right away for doing it... but I've decided to give it another chance to life, to show me if that it's worth it, and to show me that it's come to my life to bring me the best of all things in life I could ever imagine, even a best boyfriend that will be as nice and supportive as Gabe is with you. So I really hope you feel thousands a time better, that you feel complete and inspired now.

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  53. I was born in Serbia, grew up in Kuwait (parents live there still) and am now studying in Greece and applying for my Master's degree in NYC. It depends on the type of person you are really, you just have to get involved to stay sane. There's so many nice things to do in Kuwait, art galleries, exhibitions. Follow 248am.com its a great blog that talks about many things that take place in Kuwait as well as www.grapevinekuwait.com. You can attend calligraphy classes in AUK ( American University of Kuwait), help organize charities. If you're into arts and crafts go to Al Mubarakiya Souk, its the oldest souk in Kuwait. You have to make fun for yourself wherever you are, not only the middle east.

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  54. I want to share my testimony to you all which i believe you can still try your best to give a testimony like this so i was married to halen sergey at first will both love each other but short time he started a new behavior which i cannot even explain to any one then i keep it to my self hopping one day he will change for good no way he did not change so i was in pain every day don't no what to do on till one day when a friend of mine visited me in my office she met me crying then she was asking me what is going on i try to be cam but i could not then i open up to her telling me there is a way out which i will do before he left me with my kids i look up and not knowing what to do then i ask her to tell me. shortly she open up to me and say there is a man called Dr Zaza he is a spirit man he can do it with in three days then i look an said okay i will try my best to contact him four days later, my husband did not come home i called his phone switch off then i try my possible best i did not hear from him so i began to look for one way for a help so i remember my friend told me about one man call Dr Zaza i quickly run to my friend asking her if she still have samura contact then she gave it to me that was how i contacted this great man of spirit he did it for me so quick so now i can now control my husband in any thing even i can tell him that i don't want him outside today he will not. Now i have a happy family so via Email: Drzazaspelltemple100@hotmail.com or +2347030410643 he will do it for you as he did for me halen sergey

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